Challenge Accepted- April 2016

It's been a while. Not to state the obvious or anything. My last post was over 2 years ago. Why? Because when you're not living up to the title of your blog, you kinda feel like a fraud posting on it.

I may be treating myself a bit harshly. It's not like I haven't been doing anything productive for the past 2 years. I finished graduate school. Got a master's degree. That's cool. I started working full-time for the first time in almost 4 years. And, importantly, was reminded what an energy-sucking ordeal working 40 hours a week is.

Of course, it's not actually all bad. Working full time has allowed us to move to a home and a location that we much prefer over where we previously lived. I'm getting to make a decent living doing something that I (mostly) like, so that's a fortunate situation. I'm also commuting an hour to and from work, which, for the past 2 years, has made my health take a seat in the back...way back.

After my last half marathon in May 2014, I pretty much stopped running. I had already pretty stopped paying attention to what I ate, using my "extensive" running as an excuse, despite the fact that I did virtually no training for the last half marathon. Again, I am being pretty hard on myself. I was in the middle of comprehensive exams and the fact that I had the mental energy (if not the best level of fitness) to complete a third half marathon still astounds me to this day.

Adjusting to working full time and commuting was hard. Sometimes it felt unfair. Unfair that I had to commit so much of my time to something so external, to making a living, to giving myself to others. More unfair that that the time and energy spent on that left me too drained to even think about health and fitness, let alone take any action. Thanks goodness I have friends who are mature enough to maintain these interests while living actual adult lives- they kept me in the game, if only minimally. A short run here, a hike or bike ride there. But the part that I had to take charge of, the part that required dedication and consistency, just wasn't coming.

I don't know what exactly hit me the first weekend of April. I can't romanticize it; it wasn't a bolt of lightning, an angel's whisper, or any kind of tragedy. I had recently recovered from a bad 6 month bout with anxiety (which maybe I will go into later) and just realized that nothing was stopping me. I was spending 2 hours a night on my phone and watching TV. Perhaps I can attribute it to a recent attempt to live more mindfully that I realized that some of that time could be used more wisely. And I was missing running. I always miss running. There have been times when I already ran that day and I see someone running and wish that I were him or her. Anyone who runs knows the euphoria that you feel when you're done; anyone who uses running as self-medication for anxiety knows that it is the ultimate meditative, mind-body connecting exercise.

So, I decided to go for it, and I did. I decided I was going to run 4 times a week again, and build up my endurance. I faced obstacles. I caught a cold the second week in, which I am still battling. I went to Vegas the third week, which, as you can imagine, presented quite the challenge to a running schedule that included runs on Fridays and Saturdays. Being a perfectionist, I wish I could say that I ran four times all four weeks. I didn't. But I always ran at least 3, and the weeks I didn't run 4 weren't simply because I didn't feel like it, but because the level of impracticality of running seemed to exceed the potential benefit. Had I been training for a race, it might have been different. I did have the luxury to cut myself a little slack.

Another small challenge I completed was giving up sweets. In recent months, I had found myself gravitating towards them on a daily basis. I've had friends somewhat incredulously ask me "Really? Everyday?" Yes, my non-sugar addicted friends, everyday. Multiple times a day. I believed it was becoming an addiction and it needed to stop yesterday. With that challenge, I was incredibly successful. Don't know why it was so easy. Maybe I used the word "addict" too loosely.

Now, here I am, on the first day of May. I continue to feel motivated to run, and have decided to add the challenge of eating clean and reducing portions this month. With me, the caveat when it comes to food is always weekends. Weekends are a social time and, for me, enjoying food is a social activity, and I can't restrict such an important source of happiness from my life. But on the day to day, when food is fuel to get through work and running, using food for happiness is dangerous. So, this month, I will have to look inside and outside myself to find other sources of joy in my daily life. When I think about the life I am lucky enough to lead, I realize that it shouldn't be hard.

The final missing piece, of course, is writing. This blog has been such a source of introspection and reflection for me, so, while I can't commit since I'll already have my emotional plate full with portion control (reverse pun so intended), I hope that I will be able to jump on here more often to document this whole journey. The title of my blog came from the realization that I am never going to be perfect, I am never going to achieve everything that I seek, and that everyday is an opportunity just treat myself well and experience the emotions that make life worth living.

Thanks for reading,
Melissa