Lazy Saturday for a Lazy Person

I really crave a lazy day. As an introvert, I find being around people a bit tiring. I have my handful of people whose company actually energizes me, but, the students and coworkers I am around on a daily basis are not those people. It's no offense to anyone- it says more about my difficulty finding a genuine, comfortable connection with others than it says about anyone else's character.

Today was a lazy day. I decided it had to be, because tomorrow is Mother's Day, which brings with it a host of family obligations, and, though I love them dearly, I count my family as a group of people whose company I enjoy, but also find exhausting. So, today was couch potato day.

Couch potato day always sounds so nice, in theory. I always picture myself enjoying my cup of coffee, with my dog nestled in my lap and a book in my hand, then setting time aside for a run to segue into a more productive afternoon.

It rarely seems to work out that way, because I am a lazy person. Allow me to define lazy. I do not possess the type of laziness that allows for no productivity. Mine is the kind of laziness that leads to procrastination, which leads to stress and frustration about not being able to complete all of the tasks I wanted to complete, which leads to feeling a bit of resentment about my day.

When I finally got out for my run, it was about 2 pm. That means I spent 5 hours doing pretty much nothing. I was on my phone. I had Friends on in the background. At around 12:30 I peeled myself off the couch to put away and wash some dishes. I never feel good about that kind of day. It doesn't  live up to my idyllic expectation of what a lazy day should feel like. The good thing is that, when I get that nagging feeling of general negativity, I now listen to and explore it.

One thing I was reminded of is what a waste of attention and energy phones can be for me. YouTube, Facebook, and Instagram- they're all forums for neglecting my own life to watch others live theirs. When I get out of the daze that being glued to these apps causes, I become aware of exactly what I've done with my time. I see myself as my dog or the fly on the wall sees me, and I don't like it. When I make that realization, it's pretty freakin' easy to put the phone down. Only problem was, by the time I did it today, I already felt pretty drained.

I tried to explore why I felt drained. Was I sleepy? Did I need a nap? Had I sent myself into a mild depression? I tried to grapple with this, but a Season 10 episode of Friends that I have seen quite literally at least 20 times (Part 2 of The One in Barbados, in case anyone was wondering) was blaring in the background. So I did the second best thing so far today, after putting down my phone- I muted the TV (for whatever reason, I always have a hard time completely turning it off- childhood issues). Suddenly, I was able to clearly hear the voice in my head that was telling me that I needed to connect to my body and my surroundings, that hours of TV and phone time had made me completely unaware that I had disconnected. That voice isn't too loud, or obnoxious and, once it said what it needed to say, it stopped, and I was able to appreciate the sounds of the birds chirping, dogs barking, and cars driving past- the sounds of home. Then I was able to feel the softness of the couch under my body, and my dog laying at my feet- the feel of home. Then, I was able to look out the window at the green trees, slightly gray sky, mountains in the distance behind the row of houses and apartments across the street- the sights of home. And then, I was able to just be at home. That's what a lazy day is about.

Next time I have a lazy day- which won't be too far off, as this introvert needs lots of them- there will be some TV and phone time, but not before some time for reading, meditation, and exercise. Re-energizing, as it turns out, is much less about disconnecting and much more about just connecting.