Get Outta Here, Frustration!- In Three Easy Steps

I was cursed with a very low threshold for frustration and annoyance; it doesn't take a whole lot to make me feel as though the world is falling apart. I went through a phase, after having realized this and chastising myself for it, when I tried to change it. I decided to try to be a cool, calm, "everything's gonna be ok" kind of person. But I have developed the personal belief that we cannot change the essential elements of who we are. I am a worrier, a pessimist; it occurs to me that the worst possible thing will happen to me before I realize that it might not. It is much more powerful and effective to try to cope with these traits and control them than it is to fruitlessly try to eradicate them.

I bring this up because, today, my threshold was surpassed several times; in fact, I basically spent the whole day at a steady and perpetual "threat level orange." In the past couple of years, I have combined my expertise as a degree holder of the Bachelor of Arts in Psychology (please sense the the facetiousness) with information gleaned from my brief stints in therapy (Hey, what I say? I'm a believer!) to develop a method for coping with my frequent bouts of "freaking out"; unfortunately, I did not effectively use it today. I allowed myself to get to the point of strongly disliking (not hating- I wasn't quite seeing red) everyone and everything about today before I got the chance to decompress and apply my fool-proof three steps to chilling the eff out. But, once I finally did get around to it, I felt my blood pressure go down and my breathing regulate itself (yes, I am that anxious of a person). If you ever need this, just make sure you use it before your voice starts cracking uncontrollably in front of a client (or something equally unprofessional)...

I tried to look like this on the outside...

...but I felt like this on the inside!
Source: http://www.eduguide.org/library/viewarticle/753/

Analyze the Situation and Ask Yourself...


1. Is there anything I could have done to prevent the situation?

I am ashamed to admit that I am very quick to point the finger of blame at others when I am feeling at the end of my rope, which I think most of us know is not helpful. Why isn't helpful? Because we can't do anything about what other people do! So, strangely, I find it comforting to consider what I did wrong to create the situation at hand. Today, for instance, was the culmination of a level of procrastination not seen since Sociology 1A during my freshman year of college (which caused my infamous 4-week zit). So many little things went wrong today that really irked me, but when I thought about them, each one was something that could have been prevented by some good, old-fashioned time management. When I realized that, I went into problem solving mode: what could I do keep myself from having to do five days worth of work in one day? Um, I don't know, maybe do some work the other four days (Geez, Louise, how can I still have to tell myself these things? I only admit this because I know I'm not the only one!)? So many times in my life, I have felt better turning that finger of blame towards myself, because once it fixed straight on my shortcomings, I have the power and motivation to fix them.

Lunch of mama's delicious mole and Mexican rice leftovers that I never got to eat because of poor time management. I have no one to blame by myself... :-(

2. Is it worth doing things differently?


Once I know what actions I took that contributed to the situation, I have to make sure it is worth the effort to stop myself from taking them again. I know that sounds irresponsible, but we all encounter situations in our lives in which we are very conscious of the negative repercussions our decisions will have later, but we make them anyway. And this is ok occasionally, as long as we acknowledge those potential repercussions and are prepared to spend an hour, a day, a week, or any other undetermined amount of time being ok with blaming ourselves for any frustration we feel as a result. This route may be easier for those blessed with higher frustration thresholds than me; I have definitely done this more than once in my life (and will inevitably keep doing it), but, through an accumulation of life experience, I have learned that intentional avoidance of any frustration is healthiest for me. So, for me, it's usually worth the effort to make those changes in my behavior.


3. What are the things I can't change?


Most frustrating situations involve some kind of interaction between individuals, whether in a professional, personal, or any other setting. And, in any interaction, there are aspects that are out of your control. So, you need to be able to identify those and, as I like to do, literally picture them rolling off your shoulder, onto the ground, and into the sewer, where they belong. Things like mistakes other people make, what they think about you, what they say- these have no business bouncing around in your head. I kind of felt like some of the people I interacted with today were a little on the rude/presumptuous side; but, once I cleared my head by identifying my own mistakes and planning how to fix them, somehow it was a lot easier to let go of everyone else's faults. Could it be sympathy for their imperfections upon realizing my own? Who knows? I'm just glad it works!

Get that dirt off your shoulder like Snow White here (Thanks, Jack, for showing me the awesome tumblr with this gem of a gif...had to borrow it!).
 Source: http://meangirlgifs.tumblr.com/post/19542201338/haters-gonna-hate

Freud Don't Live Here Anymore...

Sorry, Sig- your teachings just don't cut it in a time crunch!
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sigmund_Freud

As you can see, this method deals primarily with changing behaviors and thoughts, not feelings. For so long, I was stuck in the mentality that I should not feel frustrated; but all that bred was guilt and, ironically, more frustration. It was really quite liberating for me to realize that there are intentional actions that I can take to avoid unpleasant feelings (or at least try to get them under control as quickly as possible). No more lying on the couch delving into painful childhood memories to understand your quirks (although I do still enjoy the occasional psychoanalytic conversation with close friends ;-)); no, this is all about the new school- cognitive-behaviorism in the house, yo! Seriously, though, your thoughts and behavior are so much easier to control than your feelings, so try to control them and you'll take great strides toward avoiding the negativity that stems from frustration. This is no easy feat (oops, my title was misleading...); I have to work at this almost everyday, and, as I already shared, some days I am more successful than others. But, I am telling you, the days that I choose to react using these steps instead of blaming the world for my frustration- those are the better days :-).

Thanks for reading and I hope that this is helpful :-)

-Melissa

CLIP OF THE DAY: Scrubs, Season 5, Episode 9: "My Half-Acre." I love Scrubs. I love Donald Faison. I love dancing to "Poison" by Bel Biv Devoe. And I love the running man. If you watch this video, you will love all of these things, too.